The Story of Me

I sat on 14th floor’s rooftop. Looking down the street, there are crowded with people looking to me. I cant even see their face because is too high. I am Acrophobia patient but this time I dare myself sit on here. My tear running out and wet my cheek. With my bare eye, look at the sun. It has make me reckon my pass.

I was born at 1989, 3rd of March in a very small town name as Taiping (Taiping in Chinese mean Peace).Yes, is a very peaceful town. Life over here live like a loop. Everyday you wake up, you will do the same thing like yesterday. I was grown up here. My life here begin with joy. I was born in a rich family. No one can order me do things, I’m the one who order people. I went to school by branded car. Not my parent send me, is my personal driver who must wear white shirt with black formal pant and a very uncle shoe(Formal Wears).I never ever have to open car door, because he must open the door for me. Thing I have in my bag all are branded stuff.

In school, I never eat canteen foods because I feel dirty. Every days, when recess time my personal driver will send me my foods. They have to be here before my recess time. Once are late, tomorrow he will be replace by other people.

I was so important for everyone, I must not be hurt or sad. Once you did it to me, you will be gone. So when I was small, I learn what rich guy’s children should have learn. Piano, drawing, violin and many more. All my cloths is not a cheap brand, I buy one cloths, people can buy three.

When I was kid, I can told you I have a lot of “friends”. Those friends just will find me when I was at canteen having my meal. You know why?, all because I will treat them eat. After meal they will gone so just left me alone at canteen or at the end of the corner of my class. I was such a very quiet in class. I was a Autism kid. You will be very hard to find a kid like me. I went to meet Phycologist. He is my school counselir. Now he is my best friend.

I have been emo for a few year until I was form 3.I start to learn many things and also my dad’s business that help me to growth strong. I started hate rich people, not because I was a rich guy’s son. All is because their ways to lie people and also show off what they is. We never show mercy. Even good friend also want to cheat. My parent work so hard to gain those small money. It does not matter now, because I had gain what we does not use to have. I now have a real and tidy family. I can feel of family’s love. I have mother with me everywhere, parent send us to school and home. We seldom when for a trip that overnight, now we have but it never went too long. My grandma have left us. The most sad memory that I never experience it.
The only sentence I remember from my grandma is “you all already grow up so fast,Flower bloom so nice. Then young be leader, the old have to rest. Once I rest, do remember don’t ever drop a tear, I want u all to be happy because I want to went heaven happy. I don’t want to left my heart on earth and my soul at heaven”.
What I answer is “I will remember it,Grandma, can I follow you so that I can take care of you.”.
She replied “No, my grandchild. Grandma have to go somewhere that you can not go becasuse your time not yet arrive. Grandma’s time is around the corner. Remember what I had told you”.
I never reply because I had know what she meant. So as time arrive, she had gone.

Brand new life, thought I will be happy and have a long relationship with my girlfriend but it never happen. I having 4 girlfriends before, I am the person who say break. They were told to break. My relationship never been so good. My first girlfriend leave me with a big wound in my heart. She like my third one, they are so unfaithful. With me and at the same time they have another guy out there. I have torn my heart open and leave there bleeding. No one understand me. The fourth girlfriend,we break because our distance is too far but later on she told me that we break for her not because the reason I gave, is she no more have a feeling of love at me anymore. After those words been told to me, I can honestly tell out I already hurt too much until up today I didn’t have any girlfriend. Start from the day, everyone suspecting me I was a gay. This question was asking around my relative. I been ask myself that am I gay? That time I will say no comment. Now I have the answer already. I’m not a gay but yet I still can accept the another partner are same sex with me. At Kuala Lumpur, I have started to having a nice feeling at him. I don’t know who just same room only. I slowly slowly felt in love(can say is love, also can say is bro’s love) I was confused with this feeling until one day he was bring his friend to our house to overnight. Once I know, his friend was a gay. I started to have a very bad feel. Jealous was the feeling that I feel inside me. How silly I’m? I promise myself not to love or put in true feeling. He know what type of people I’m. He know I was a bi-sexual. Yet we have done the thing almost than a lover . In this case sure got many people comments me that I’m stupid. I had gave away my “first time”. I never think anything about it, I just willing to give. The most heart break is he told me that we now have no intrest at me any more.Those words from him mouth couple weeks before his friend come.It hurt so much,now he bring
his friend. On the same day, i was quarrel with my family and i saw his is treat his friend so good. So i bought beer to drink until drunk. Thought drunk i cant see anything but end up i was saw they were starting to hug each other. This scene really hurt me so much. So i straight take my netbook and run down. Before i shut the door he ask me where i going, I answer them "you do what you want to do". His friend say that i was misunderstanding. With my naked eyes, i saw them hug together. I’m not drunk. I still awake and I still know what the world is going on.

Few hours later, I went back to room to sleep. The next day, I went to work with bad mood and with all the heart and brain thinking what they are doing when nobody home. I can imagine they were doing something that under blanket. I keep on imagine until I was totally going crazy so as I decided to go find room to move out. I post some message on my facebook, I wrote there “I need help, you all think I should tell my feeling to that person or I just quiet?” Just want to know how many people support me to quiet. Once there were more people support me quiet, I will move out. I had decided to go find room. On the same day night, when I reach home. His friend still at house, so I decided to lie to them that my relative has something importance to call me over. So I pack up my luggage and straight to LRT station. My heart is so perturbed and my feeling is so confusing me. I think for the whole night without have a well sleep. In the end, I didn’t have any idea out and fell asleep.
The next morning, I rolled my luggage and straight to the nearest LRT station. I feel so empty, feel so tired and feel weird. In the end of the LRT stop, the idea in my mind is, I want to move out. So as I find people to help me find. Once I reach home, one of my friend call me up.

She told me “JJ, I have one agent. He say he got room but he need time to clean up and need to wait the guy inside move out.”

So I answer, “Ok, no problem. I need the room as soon as possible. Wait for your answer.”

Today they plan to go to ice skate. So I totally missed my mood. Lucky thing is they cancel the plan to go ice skate but they change the plan to go karaoke room. I’m not interest to sing. So I use some other idiot reason to push it away. In the end, my friend told me that he and his friend saw my blog and read all the contents inside. They dare to read all and now my friend face turn to black.